A moment of silence before we destroy one chef’s dream

The Food Network is an example of the many cable channels that started out with a name. You can just picture some snotty Harvard grad rolling his eyes as the rest of those gathered around the conference table come up with titles for a ‘food network,’ and then saying, “THE FOOD NETWORK!” and the others just stare, awe mixed with envy. “Done,” says the C.E.O. The Harvard guy now has a development deal with OWN.

As with Music Television, The Sci-Fi Channel and American Movie Channel, The Food Network has mutated into something specific. It’s less a channel about food than it is a game show channel, those game shows being about food the way The Price is Right is about large wheels with numbers on them spinning around, deciding overweight contestants’ fates.

It’s about competition, which is why I really dislike many of their shows and don’t watch them. I can’t say I’m a fan, or regular watcher, but when I make supper I turn on TFN because I’m sick of news channels (I used to be addicted, but now I just think “CNN = Trump Evil, FOX = Trump Good, MSNBC =We’re Fucking Insane” and I’m up to date on all the news). If CHOPPED or BEAT BOBBY FLAY are on, I’ll watch while I cook, pretending some kind of kinship with the contestants.

The players in these shows are all professional cooks, so it’s not like there are Just Folks playing for $10,000 of cocktail sauce. You’re not gonna see someone winning bucks with Grandma’s Vegetable Popovers. You’re gonna get real chefs making stuff with ‘surprise’ ingredients to challenge them.

What they make will never be eaten by anyone again.

I’ve gotten off track.

Here is my favorite person on the channel:

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Bonus: Here is my least-favorite:

Sorry, you lose, but thanks for playing Gay or Christian?

Alton Brown (whose name I didn’t even know until this minute) gets a sadistic pleasure out of giving out challenges like cooking with only plastic toy pots and pans. He looks stern when giving out orders and evaluations, and when the contestants are having problems he seems to really be enjoying himself. So I don’t like him.

Which leads us to the two shows I DO like on this channel:


Yes, I suck for all this build-up and no pay-off, but I’m sleepy, and you had fun and were intrigued, right? If not, complain!

More to come, even though I rarely come across with the second parts of posts I say I’m gonna continue someday.