Avoid

My rule of thumb here is to avoid trashing books and movies–there’s plenty of that online and I’ve lost the taste for it–and push things I enjoyed.

This time I’m just unclogging the pipes of the muck that blocks my mind’s sewer. Yuck.

Anyway…

AVOID:

Student films shot in black and white that feature any character wearing a top hat.

Mayonnaise. Also, mustard and relish.

(Of course you’ll disagree with some of these, it’s my list, not yours.)

Telling your fellow workers what you really feel about them.

Short stories with the word “Song” in the title.

Political advice from actors you suspect have never read a book voluntarily.

Petting small, cuddly wild animals who look so nice and innocent, just like in the cartoons.

Group of monkeys assaulting a man.

Movies produced by Robert Lippert.

Movies directed by famous movie people’s relatives.

Directed by Oscar-winner Billy Wilder’s brother.

Animated movies about schoolgirls and tentacled monsters.

Speaking of tentacled monsters, avoid The View. It’s actually shocking how much those people lie, or at least talk out of their butts.

Lying to your doctor.

“Selling” your writing for no payment. [Donating a story to a charity of some kind is an exception. I can’t think of any others.]

Going to bed with food on the floor or in open containers.

People you don’t want to hang around with.

Becoming an alcoholic. It’s not romantic, and it destroys everything you love, including your internal organs. Also, your skin.

Television news. Yes, even that channel. And that one, too. Seriously. Unless you really want to be hip on all the b.s. “Your Side” wants to believe.

I want to emphasize mayonnaise.

Avoiding something you know you’re going to have to deal with eventually. Just get it over with.

Treating your pet as your child. I know it’s too late, but I feel strongly about this terrible trend.

Sleeping with former in-laws.

Telling someone you love them when you really just like them a lot.

Piercings. Dating people with piercings.

Reading in bed. Bed should be for sex and/or sleeping.

Movies in which people dance to express their emotions even though it’s not a musical. Example: ELIZABETHTOWN.

Movies in which people smile while standing in rain or malfunctioning sprinkler systems to illustrate a moment of personal growth. Example: ELIZABETHTOWN.

A director’s ‘personal project’ they got to make because they had a big critical or commercial hit. These films are recognizable by their three-hour runtime, scripts full of overly long dialogue scenes in which characters talk about things you wouldn’t want to hear from anyone in real life, and movies explicitly about man-children finding maturity through the love of a down-to-earth woman who teaches him to not take himself too seriously.